


Miss Believer

by NovaStars42



Series: The Kids Aren't Alright [9]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Coming of Age, Drunk Roxy, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Gossip, Humanstuck, Personal Growth, Pugs, Realization, Roxy drops hedge trimmers on her foot, Sober Roxy Lalonde, Underage Drinking, dave loves his big sister, kanaya is not a nurse but she tries to be, mild gore?, rose is never impressed, this fic actually stars roxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7063819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaStars42/pseuds/NovaStars42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy and Dirk get drunk. Jake hangs out. Rose and Kanaya are up to something.</p><p>Beginning of Act Two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miss Believer

**Author's Note:**

> Beginning of Act Two!
> 
> I got a request for a Katnep chapter, and I can definitely do that but not in the way you'd think! Since Dave is with karkat already, and this is a running collection.  
> Edit: I look like I wrote this drunk. If you see an error i missed tell me!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQWs0AYFq4k&list=PLwBvGRZ4qTdnLZHpBumYJM2m92t14U8x6&index=9

The lock on my mom's liquor cabinet was broken and that was not a secret. I only needed to jiggle it a little and it popped open. I raided the overflowing cabinet for a bottle of vodka and a half drank bottle of pucker.

"Are you sure you don't want any, Jakey? I promise we won't get in trouble, I do this all the time!" I grinned, turning around and holding the bottles up.

"That's quite alright Roxy," Jake grinned, "My great uncle wouldn't appreciate it."

I shrugged as my twin brother decided the finished basement steps. He carried a stack of solo cups in one hand and a two-liter of orange Fanta in the other.

"Where'd you say Jane was tonight?" Dirk asked, setting his items down in favor of picking a cup off from the pile. He opened the two litter with a hiss and sloshed a little into his cup.

"She said something about John needing to get hit with a phone book," Jake answered, watching as I filled it up Dirk's cup the rest of the way.

Dirk snorted, "phone books don't leave bruises."

"Johns so cute," I gushed, "I can't believe how hard he pranks Jane, he looks so innocent!"

Dirk laughed. He settled down in the middle of the couch and I took up the left side, pinning him between me and Jake.

"You haven't been around him long enough," Jake rolled his eyes, "he's a bit of a bugger usually."

I'd forgone the soda all together and poured a straight glass of Vodka while he was talking. I downed it instead of replying. My throat burned and when I exhaled, it felt like my mouth was on fire. Dirk raised his eyebrows at me. I grinned back. He poured me half of his drink and watered the rest down with more Fanta.

I kicked back more alcohol, content to take big gulps instead of little sips.

Two pair of thumping feet decided the stairs then. Rose, my younger sister, followed by her girlfriend, Kanaya.

"Roxy," my sister began, "where are our parents?"

"Mm?" I hummed, turning to her, "Daddy drove mom to the store."

"When will they be back?" She inquired.

"Oh, I dunno. A couple a hours? I guess dad's buying her a new washing machine," I replied, raising my glass back to my lips.

"Kinky," Dirk muttered. I nearly spit out my drink laughing. Rose didn't look impressed.

"D'ya want some?" I offered, holding out my cup to my sister.

I could see her considering it behind the psychoanalyzing. She'd drank with me a couple times, but I don't think she liked the way it made her feel.

"No, thank you," she said finally. She took Kanaya's hand and the two tromped back upstairs.

"What do you suppose that was about?" Jake asked.

"Who knows," Dirk shrugged, "she's usually all kinds of psycho cryptic."

"Look who's talking," Jake laughed, and elbowed him in the side.

"They're so cute together," I sighed, " It's like the aristocats or something."

"They're so cute it rots my teeth," my brother rolled his eyes, "worse than Dave and Karkat."

It was my turn to elbow Dirk. "Says the guy who can't stop making goo goo eyes at his boyfriend in public."

"We aren't cute. We're manly as hell," he argued.

"We are Absotively posilutely manly as all hell," Jake grinned.

I giggled and emptied my cup again.

"So, Roxy dear," Jake began, kicking back with his feet on the coffee table, "what's the word these days?"

"The word?" I questioned before I caught on, "oh, oh. I guess Cronus Ampora and Damara Megido are hanging out a lot. Meulin didn't know if they were dating or not though. Meu also told me that Kurloz is gonna get rid of all his weed."

Gossip was something I excellent at. Meulin Leijon was a year older than me, but we were still good friends. She knew just about everything that went on in the neighborhood. What she didn't know, I did.

Dirk crinkled his nose but he didn't speak.

"The cats already outta the bag on that one," Jake waved me off, "I figured he would since he's up the pole."

"Up the pole?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Pregnant," Dirk interjected, "his girlfriend is pregnant."

I rose my eyebrows and took a drink, looking away. Jake sure was a.. Unique talker.

"Mkay. Well, Terezi Pyrope's leader dog got bit by a raccoon last night. It ran off through the woods until it got stuck in the bushes and Vriska Serket had to haul him out," I offered.

"Why in the devil was he that close to a raccoon?"

I shrugged. "It was dark, Terezi can't see and it was garbage night."

That answer was acceptable. No more questions were posed.

"I want a puppy," Dirk said out of the blue after several moments of silence.

"A puppy would be pretty great!" I agreed.

"Undoubtedly! A big brute to play fetch with! A nice mastiff or an Akita! I'll barrow Bec from Jade and we could walk them together!" Jake chimed. Dirk rolled his eyes.

"How about a pug," my brother countered.

"A pug? Dirk! Those ankle biters are for sissies! You need a man's dog!" Jake argued.

"Pugs are great, Jakey! Lil' smooshed faces. Think you can get dad to go for it?" I laughed. I poured myself another drink.

"A nuisance is what they are, pugs," Jake huffed in distaste.

Dirk rolled his eyes and slung his arm around his boyfriend's shoulder. He pulling him close and let Jake's head rested on his shoulder. Dirk eyed me as I once again filled my cup. "Roxy, that's your fourth drink."

"Psht," I laughed, "I know that."

I could feel how hot my face was. It burned almost as much as the alcohol. I don't know when it got that way, but I pressed the cool bottle on my cheeks in effort to cool it. It didn't do much.

I wasn't feeling so hot anymore.

My stomach rumbled and I sighed, leaning my head against the back of the couch. Shit. The room was starting to gyrate. It was so fun to get drunk, I just don't understand why I always had to end up feeling bad.

My phone binged on the table, and I reached out to grab it. Each time I thought I had it, I ended up patting the table helplessly. Finally I got ahold of it. There was a text message from Jane.
    
    
    >>From: Jane Message: Hey, Roxy, er… what are you guys up to over there? Timestamp:5:33<<

>>From: Jane Message: Hey, Roxy, er… what are you guys up to over there? Timestamp:5:33<<

>>To: Jane Message: Hey Janie! We r still drinkin down! Come over! Timestamp:5:33<<

>>From: Jane Message: I would if I could but I can't. I'm still trying to beat some common sense into John. Timestamp:5:34<<

>>To: Jane Message: lol! Hell him I said hi! Timestamp:5:34<<

>>To: Jane Message: *tell Timestamp:5:34<<

>>From: Jane Message: you know, sometimes I think it doesn't matter how big the hammer is. You can't beat smart in to stupid :B Timestamp:5:34<<

>>From: Jane Message: Anyway Roxy, I asked because I just saw your sister leave your garage carrying a chainsaw. Timestamp:5:35<<

>>To: Jane Message: a what now? We dot own a chain saw silly Timestamp:5:35<<

>>To: Jane Message: *don't Timestamp:5:35<<

>>To: Jane Message: the closest thing we have to a chainsaw is hedge trimmers Timestamp:5:36<<

>>To: Jane Message: hopy shit Timestamp:5:36<<

I didn't even correct my spelling. I got up, throwing my phone in the ground and swung my shaky legs off the couch.

"Roxy?" My brother questioned, turning away from Jake looking bewildered.

"I'm go in' up to see what the kids are doin'," I huffed, "Jane said Roses got the head- hedge trimmers."

Dirk cocked an eyebrow. Jake looked surprised.

"Hedge trimmers? What the devil for?"

My stomach didn't feel so good. I was sure it was just worry though. I shrugged and walked around the couch, using it for balance until I got ahold of the banister on the stairway. I literally stumbled up the stairs, tripping about ever four steps. When I finally made it to the top my head was spinning.

I could hear the motor to the hedge trimmers running outside, so I swayed to the back door and looked out the screen.

My back deck could only be described as a science experiment gone wrong. Splattered all over the boards was pulp from innumerable fruits I was too drunk to count. The chairs and table played host to the spoils, rinds off water melons and peels off oranges. An apple was stuck to the siding. The sweet smell made me nauseous.

Rose and Kanaya were standing near each other. Kanaya held the trimmers while Rose carried a clipboard. They were both coated with fruit juice.

They were wearing safety glasses, at least.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked, leaning on the door frame.

Kanaya, who was still wielding the hedge trimmer looked sheepish as she shut the machine off. Rose crossed her arms.

"We are conducting an experiment," my sister said factually.

"What kinda experiment?"

Kanaya exchanged glances with Rose.

"We are testing to see if hedge trimmers will effectively saw a human body in half. So far, it's done well with the fruit," Rose answered. She had a bit of er, something, splattered on her face alongside her smirk.

"I, you," I stammered, "you what now?"

"Eridan Ampora will be receiving the mess on his doorstep, do not worry," Kanaya assured. She brushed a piece of goop out of her hair. It hit the deck with a wet slap.

I put my head in my hands and rubbed my temples.

"What happened?" I slurred my words a little. I hadn't meant to. In fact I prided myself on how well I could talk while drunk.

"Eridan Ampora thinks he can walk on whoever he likes," Rose huffed.

"He feels it is alright to shout obscenities at us. He is wrong," Kanaya added, looking even more sheepish.

That totally sounded like Something Eridan would do. I didn't doubt them for a second.

I sighed. I didn't feel good and I didn't want to deal with this. I could feel myself swaying.

"I know the Ampora's are jerks, guys, but I dunno if this is a good idea," I opened the back door and stepped out, my hand outreached to take the hedge trimmer from Kanaya. "This thing is dangerous."

As if it was on que, Kanaya handed me the machine, and I dropped it.

Curse my drunken poor coordination.

The blade fell on my bare foot, crashing to the deck and bouncing once. I couldn't feel anything, but I could see the pool of blood rapidly forming. My stomach churned.

"Fuck," I muttered.

Then I felt my stomach flip, and I puked.

"Oh shit," I heard Rose mutter.

I couldn't move. I sank to the ground with my head buried in my hands. My ass hit the deck and settled on something that squished but I didn't notice. I still felt horrible. My head spun. I coughed and wrenched but I didn't throw up again.

"Rose, get a towel would you?" Kanaya asked politely, pulling the hedge trimmer off of my foot and out of my skin. Slowly I could feel the blistering pain start to bubble. Rose went behind me into the house and came back with the red towels from the bathroom Dirk and Dave shared. Kanaya tugged my hand, pulling me up and back inside. She forced me down in the nearest chair. I held the towel to my bleeding foot as she left with Rose to raid the medicine cabinet.

My stomach still hurt and I held it with the arm I wasn't using for my foot.

"Roxy?" I thought I heard my younger brothers voice. When I looked up though, I didn't see him, only spinning room. I wondered where Dave was. He always took care of me when I was drunk.

"Roxy? Right here," this time Dave's hand was on my shoulder and I was sure he was here with me.

"Are you okay?" He asked. In his left hand he had my puke bucket.

I pulled him into a hug. I almost crushed him to my chest. I hadn't even known he was home, but here he was. For me.

Kanaya came back, carrying a bottle of peroxide and a very large bandaid. Dave held my hand as she pulled the towel away, blotting at the torn skin.

It hurt, bad. Every time she touched it, tingles ran up my leg.

I knew her mom was a doctor, and she fixed me up just like one. The peroxide stung, and a few pieces of my skin just sort of hung, only attached on one side. My toes were numb, but my heel and ankle seared.

Rose returned with Dirk and Jake.

"Banged yourself there one good, huh chap?" Jake smiled, clasping me a little hard on the shoulder. Bleary eyed I returned it.

Dirk was behind me, his hand pressed to my back reassuringly. "You alright, Rox?"

I nodded, pressing my lips into a thin line. My chin quivered.

"Need to go to the hospital?" He asked.

I shook my head no. He rubbed in a small circle at the base of my neck.

I had so many people gathered around here. So many people who cared about me. I had three beautiful siblings, and good friends who loved me. I had to be the luckiest girl on earth.

I was crying but it wasn't because of my foot.

"I'm gonna quit drinkin'," I sobbed, "I'm gonna quit drinkin today."

* * *

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 9:04

TG: Hi Janey! How are you doin'?

GG: Hi Roxy! I'm doing well! How are you?

TG: better!

GG: Better? That makes me think you weren't doing so hot earlier then?

TG: ya I uh…

TG: well long story short I decided to take your advice and quit drinkin'

GG: Wow Roxy! I'm proud of you!

GG: That's wonderful! What finally made you change your mind?

TG: well you know how earlier u told me you saw rosie with the hedge trimmers?

TG: thanks for that by the way

TG: I kinda dropped it on my foot

TG: because I was drunk

TG: and I maybe sorta kinda

TG: almost puked on Rose's gf

GG: Oh my gosh Roxy!

TG: I'm okay! everything is okay! Kanaya is puke free!

TG: in fact the lil sweety even patched up my foot

GG: Good! Jeez Roxy, that's pretty bad

GG: Oh! Sorry I didn't mean that to sound mean!

TG: it's okay Jane, it was for the best even though it was a super weird kind of best

TG: you know, me and Rose used to be really close until I started drinking. I think she thought I was too much like mom, and you know how her and mom are. She's bein all nice to me now, and keeps changing my ice packs

TG: I just kinda realized how many people I have that love me and I can't go damaging myself 'cause I gotta be here for you guys! You and Dirk and Jake and my little bro and sis and my kitties

TG: especially my kitties

TG: whoa whoops sorry for getting all heavy on you there

GG: I don't mind at all! I'm just really happy for you! Speaking of your parents though, what'd they say?

TG: Daddy tried to get me to go to the hospital but I didn't wanna so him and mom got in a fight

TG: lol what else is new am I rite

GG: Does your foot hurt? Maybe you really should go to the hospital. You could get gang green! It could fall off! Roxy, do you want your foot to fall off?

TG: lmfao no I'm okay I promise. Thanks for worrying about me tho

GG: :B

GG: I gotta go to bed though, okay? I'm headed to Kurloz Makara's graduation party tomorrow I guess and I need to use the sleep

TG: Kurloz Makara? You mean the drug dealer who was a grade ahead of us? What for?

GG: Callie invited me there. She said her brother won't go with her and Gamzee went out of his way to get them an invite so she felt like she has to go

TG: dear sweet beautiful Callie. Too pure for this world

TG: lol tell her I said hi!

GG: G'night Roxy!

TG: night!

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 9:40

**Author's Note:**

> My headcanon voices for the alpha kids come from DaniTheDoomMagnet on YouTube. I think she makes the perfect Roxy.  
> I also wanted to mention that while nobody has specific ethnicities, this is a very diverse neighborhood! I wanted this to be able to fit any headcanon people might have for the kids.


End file.
